I realised that I'm too much of an idealist. I play perfect scenes in my head, then none of them ever occur. I have high expectations of things or people, then get disappointed by these things or people time and time again. Yet I never learn my lesson, and I continue having high expectations of said things or people. I'm too much of an idealist, I dream big for the future. But what's the point when I don't do anything about it? What's the point when these dreams are unachievable or unrealistic?

I realised that I'm growing up damn fast in jc. My life isn't as sheltered or protected as it was in IJ. I'm learning to fend for my own survival (so sue me for exaggerating a little here, but it does kinda feel like I'm fending for my own survival). I'm learning about the harsh realities of the world and the society. I'm learning that there's a whole new wide world out there, one that I've never seen or heard of before. My tiny narrow-minded world of myself, the one that I've known for the past 18 years of my life has expanded greatly. I've learnt that what I once thought were real and concrete and perfect things in this world, are actually not as what you thought they were but could collapse any minute. The perfect ideas of family or friends, beliefs you once held, could just come crashing down any minute without warning, leaving you lost and stranded, unable to do anything but be sad about it.

I realised that I'm a very emotional and sentimental person. I get sad easily, I'm sad almost all the time, maybe I'm just generally a sad girl. But why, and so what? And why, or so what if I'm an introvert? I honestly think one's environment, especially one's family environment, makes a person who he/she is. So how are people supposed to change, and why do these people get judged for who they are, when sometimes it's not even their faults for being who they are.

I realised that all human beings, myself included, are hypocrites. I realised that most times, people make reactions that are a result of other peoples' reactions. Like if someone shouted or raised his temper at you, wouldn't you do the same thing back to him?

I don't make sense anymore. It's reflective of how things in my life don't make sense anymore. Goodbye.

8:41 PM;